Anton Rippon: The lodger with tall tales who stayed at our office pub
THE other week, I was indulging in a bit of name-dropping in my column about the forthcoming Old Bemrosians dinner at which old boy of the school, born-and-bred Derbeian Stephen Marley, is to be the main speaker.
Stephen, who is a year younger than me, kindly recalled his first day at Bemrose when, apparently, it was I who directed him to the school tuck shop, an event I'm sorry to say that I can't remember.
If only I'd known that he was going to graduate in social anthropology in London, gain an MSc in the sociology of science, and work on a PhD on ancient Chinese science while lecturing in Manchester before taking up writing full time to became a world-famous cult science fiction and fantasy writer and video game designer, well, then I might have paid more attention.
As it was, Stephen would have been just another small boy finding his way around a brave new world.
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I'm glad I helped him, though, rather than throwing him into the holly bush on the East Drive, which was the usual initiation for a Bemrose first-former in 1957. My mother brought me up to be kind, you see.
Anyway, he told me: "Reflecting on your column that week, it struck me that, although I've known a fair number of celebrities, especially after my first novel was published, the one real zinger was the time I sat in Pinewood Studios, directing Fenella Fielding as she read through my script. That was the one moment that I thought, 'If only my teen self could see me now!'"
Mention of "England's first lady of the double entendre" jogged a memory for me. When I worked for the Derby Telegraph in Burton, back in the 1960s, there was a character lodging at the Royal Oak, our office pub in the Market Place, who claimed that he had once dated Fenella.
He must have been quite a few years younger than her but you know what actresses can be like. So I've read.
Then again, this chap also claimed to have discovered singer Matt Monroe, taught Denis Compton how to bat, and set Henry Cooper on his way to the heavyweight championship of Great Britain and the British Empire.
So we took his alleged dalliance with La Fielding with a heavy sprinkling of salt.
This was justified when he announced that he had to make an urgent call to Dave Charnley, the British lightweight champion, who he said he managed.
He was busy on the pub telephone, apparently arranging a world title fight for the Dartford Destroyer, when the landlord picked up the extension to listen in.
You may be unsurprised to learn that there was no one at the other end. We decided not to let on because he was such good entertainment value.
Then, one Sunday morning, he took the landlord's prize pedigree bitch for a walk, let her off the lead, and returned with her pregnant by a mangy mutt that was roaming loose in Stapenhill Pleasure Gardens. It was a misdemeanour too far. When the truth emerged, he was asked to find new accommodation.
I wonder if Fenella Fielding remembers him...




2 Comments
by oscardoodle
Wednesday, March 20 2013, 5:38PM
“What am I on about- 'August'? I meant September. If the joint Matriculation board do A-Level senior moments, I may just scrape a 'B'.
Duh.”
by oscardoodle
Wednesday, March 20 2013, 10:22AM
“What a coincidence- only last week my missus asked for an example of a double entendre, so I gave her one.
Mister Darley's avoidance of the Holly bush was fortunate, but how times changed. On my first day at Bemrose, August 1970, I stood at morning break, resplendent in my crisp uniform complete with cap and scarf, in a sea of shelled conkers awaiting my next lesson. Whereupon, from out of the sun and hurtling across the East car park, I was lifted by the armpits by two wags from Lower Trans and used as a human shield against two opponents armed with paper cups full of water and an oily rag. In just under a minute, I went from a sparkling ambassador for Derby's finest educational establishment into something that wouldn't have looked out of place struggling on the beach in the wake of the 'Torrey Canyon'. Ningy Molyneux could only offer a sympathetic half nod ,since he had seen it, and much worse, all before.
Wouldn't have swapped it for anything,though..........”