Getting attacked by mosquitos in Britain really does suck

I'VE been well and truly bitten by mosquito misery this year and, unfortunately, didn't jet off to some tropical hotspot to hook up with the most vile insect known to man.

I was bitten right here in little old Derby – and not for the first time. The last two or three weeks have been mozzie hell in these parts.

Last weekend my leg resembled an elephant's girth due to a mozzie which sank its blood-sucking spike into me at work. My mother all but passed out with shock when she saw my inflamed limb.

Frankly, I'm infuriated. For decades I've gone on holiday abroad armed with every mosquito killer device I could find. Plug-ins to let out a vapour to put off the evil ones are thrust into every available hotel room socket while my body is slathered unattractively in strange smelling anti-insect repellent. And still they bite me. My first shopping trip abroad is always to the pharmacy for bite-relief cream.

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But, on the plus side, I am away from Britain. Yes, I have to nurse my throbbing, swollen limbs but I am in a sunshine paradise, drinking San Miguel by the sea with sand in my toes. That eases the discomfort considerably.

But in rain-sodden UK 2012 it's a very different story. I never expected to get bitten to bits by mozzies on my home turf. It's just not right.

Getting my blood sucked by mozzie monsters in rain-splattered Britain when I am scrubbing loos, washing pots and on laundry duty is grossly unfair, especially during one of the crummiest summers ever. No sun, torrential rain and mosquito bites from hell – the summer of 2012. Enjoy it, folks.

My neighbour's had a mozzie bite too, and her mate. In fact she was the one who went to her GP, such was the colossal swollen weal on her poisoned flesh.

"I nearly went to A&E with mine," said my neighbour. "I've never had anything like it before. I thought I might have malaria." She laughed but I knew the thought really had gone through her mind.

Like me, she was suffering an allergic reaction which sees flesh around the bite fill up with fluid creating a hard red weal. Nice! I looked up NHS Direct online after my leg swelled like a barrage balloon.

I knew there was not a fat lot I could do apart from take an anti-histamine and painkiller but did wonder whether an infected bite could lead to amputation. Not that I was panicking!

One thing I discovered while Googling "do mosquito bites lead to amputation" was that I was not alone. Cornwall has had it bad apparently. One poor chap there has had to put a mosquito net round his bed to tackle the blighters buzzing round his boudoir.

Mozzies thrive in damp conditions and lay their eggs in water. As I live near a river and work next door to the River Derwent, I guess I'm fighting a losing battle.

Apparently, Britain's increasingly wet and vaguely warm summers are ideal for mosquitoes, hence the increase in numbers. So, here in the UK we are poised to get the major downside of foreign holidays without the pluses – sunshine, sangria and beaches you can walk across without battling a gale-force head wind and dodging donkey poo.

That's life. I just hope the mozzies are giving more deserving people a hard time. I've told my mozzie to head for 10 Downing Street.