Paul Mackenzie on faces on toast and how to be a TV reporter - week 8

“As I am very easily led, I tried making faces in toast. The results at first were disappointing but after several slices I was quite proficient. I've always had a talent for sketching and found using the end of a spoon to make the indentations in the bread most therapeutic.
The first good result I had was Noddy, I thought I'd give him a try as he was easily recognisable. The other members of Slade didn't come out so well, but my young Elvis Presley was quite remarkable even though I say it myself.
I also imprinted little messages which would brighten up any breakfast table including "Good Morning" "Have a Nice Day" and "How much longer are you going to be in the bathroom?"
I do hope the new Police Commi sioner (one S missing) listens to this broadcast as I'm sure it'll give him hope and inspiration. If he needs a deputy to take care of business when he's otherwise engaged, I could suggest no-one better than George Postlethwaite, a local man with his finger on the pulse with issues both local and further afield – much further afield.
After following Mr Postlethwaite's instructions on how to be a TV presenter (I used a full length mirror to monitor my progress) I have applied to several TV News channels for a position, that only the day before, I had no notion that I was so well qualified to perform.
George Postlethwaite's inspired thoughts have opened up a whole new world for me. I'm so grateful that I am one of those who can understand what he's talking about, it's obvious from some of the recent comments from readers that the cerebral and positively academic prowess of Mr Postlethwaite falls upon stony ground. But as George will no doubt confirm, stones are good for drainage.”