Sue's back with stories

LIFE couldn't be better for Sue Holderness, who has just become a pensioner.

"I received my bus pass last week, I'm so excited I can hardly breathe," she said. "I've had a cheap lunch, I've been to the pictures cut-price... it's all terribly exciting. I'm going to go to those little cafes where they offer you roast lamb dinners for three quid."

She's also more than happy to be back in Derby, where she spent last winter as the Wicked Queen in panto.

"I had such a lovely time there. I don't know why but I had got the impression that Derby was rather a dour place, but I thought it was thrilling. If you walk along those main streets and look up, the architecture is wonderful.

"I must say the Assembly Rooms is not an attractive building on the outside, it's rather like a prison block, but inside the atmosphere is great."

But she'll be playing to a very different audience for her next Derby performance – The Vagina Monologues.

"It's a very strange show and I find it difficult to explain," said Sue. "It's very life-affirming. It's hugely good fun. There are nine monologues but we start the whole proceedings by talking about the word 'vagina'. We talk about the fact that it is a horrible word and what we all call our vaginas. The list is hysterical … and endless. Each week, people bring more."

Yes, the show includes the dreaded audience participation, but Sue is quick to stress that it's not compulsory

"We quite like people shouting back ideas of their own but you don't have to."

After the light-hearted opening come the monologues.

"These are stories of women's lives and some of them are very, very funny and some of them are very touching, and one of them is heartbreaking. Eve Ensler, the author, went to Bosnia and interviewed women who'd been rape victims. One of the monologues is very, very harrowing but it's wonderful that it's there because it makes people think about what's going on in war-torn parts of the world."

The show tends to attract large groups of women, as well as some couples.

"I'm very keen to encourage more men to come to this show," Sue added. "People get the impression that we're going to take the mickey out of men and we don't. We're very thrilled if men come, we give them a round of applause, we don't make them do anything on their own, we don't make them join in. Quite a lot of them come up to us afterwards and say they have learned something."

Sue has performed in The Vagina Monologues several times and says the different cast members each bring something new to the show.

This time she's starring with Suzanne Shaw, of Hear'Say and Dancing On Ice, and Tameka Empsom, of 3 Non Blondes.

"Last time I did the show with Suzanne life was not treating her well. Then she got the Skating on Ice thing and her world has turned around.

"Tameka is an absolute find! She's a little 4ft 10in bundle of joy. She's black and very exotic and she's sort of bouncy, a bit like Tigger."

After the tour, Sue is heading for the seas, spending the summer touring with P&O Cruises.

"They let my husband Mark come with me and the whole thing is a complete joy."

In her cruise show, Sue talks about her life, showing clips and telling backstage stories.

There are, of course, lots of tales to tell about playing the character for which Sue is most famous – Marlene from Only Fools and Horses.

"I never get fed up of Marlene. Marlene came into my life in 1984 and completely changed it. "I just love Marlene and I hope she will go on being part of my life until I'm doddering around on my zimmer frame."

There's certainly nothing doddery about this pensioner.

"I think it's hysterical but I love it. They say 60 is the new 40 and I really think it is.

"And to be making money out of my vagina as an old age pensioner is pretty good going, don't you think?"

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES

WHERE: Derby Assembly Rooms.

WHEN: Tomorrow, 8pm.

TICKETS: £17 (£15 concessions).

BOX OFFICE: 01332 255800.